Author: Easin' Along

Note: One of the unexpected and pleasant surprises of blogging has been the opportunity to meet many online friends in the blogging community. Shortly after we created Easin’ Along, I came across Retirement Reflections, an award-winning blog created by Donna Connolly who lives in Vancouver Island, Canada. I contacted Donna to tell her how much I enjoyed her thoughts on retirement among other subjects, and we have maintained an online relationship since that time. I am taking a break this week for hip replacement surgery and I asked Donna if she would treat Easin’ Along readers to one of her thoughtful and well-reasoned posts as a guest blogger.  She was kind enough to send me the article below and I’m certain you will enjoy reading it as much as I did. Have a great week!

My husband and I took a mid-week, overnight trip, about a two-hour drive away from our home. It was a last minute decision to explore another part of Vancouver Island. We had a great two days away and really enjoyed ourselves. During the drive home, my husband mentioned that he just couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt in being able to simply drive off into the sunshine…on a weekday. He felt there was something else that he should be doing (reality check: there really wasn’t).

Good old guilt! It can become so ingrained in us that it continues to whisper “you should, you should, you should” or “you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t” even when those messages are not pertinent.

I began to think about guilt and how it has manifested itself in my own life over different periods of time. What is “retirement guilt” and just how big of a phenomenon is it? I Googled the words and found pages and pages (and pages) of entries. This potential aspect of retirement was definitely not mentioned in the glossy Freedom 55 brochures!

Guilt can be defined simply as: “A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime or wrongdoing, …whether real or imagined” (http://dictionary.reference.com) Or as one definition, offered by the Urban Dictionary states, “An unfortunate side effect that results from being overly exposed to morality” (http://www.urbandictionary.com)…definitely an interesting point of view!

With real or imagined wrongdoings ranging from: shirking responsibilities, not doing something meaningful, leaving the workforce too early, not earning a paycheck, spending too much money, not measuring up, missing something, saying ‘no’ (when others believe you now have all of the time in the world to say ‘yes’)…a retiree could totally drive him/herself insane.

But is guilt also a gift? In the right dosages, does it help propel us forward, get unsexy tasks done, reflect more deeply, get off of the couch and be better people? Without guilt would our houses be messier, our emails unanswered, our checkbooks unbalanced, our dogs all have much shorter walks and would we simply eat all of the Boston Cream donuts that we desire?

Being no stranger to guilt, I am surprised that I haven’t yet been overcome by guilt since retiring (really, it’s so unlike me). Perhaps it is my retirement honeymoon phase, and a tsunami wave of guilt is lurking around the corner waiting to catch me unaware.

I believe, at least partly, that yoga has been a contributing factor to easing initial retirement guilt for me. I can hear the many mantras of my yoga teachers now:

• Practice mindfulness
• Put yourself in the present moment
• Leave the past behind
• Practice non-judgment
• …And….don’t forget to breathe!

Certainly, there are more detailed, complex strategies in which to deal with guilt, but the above seems like a good start and not a bad list to live by.

Thinking back to Richard at the steering wheel, I wonder if the guilt that he was feeling, wasn’t actually gratitude. As retirement is a privilege denied to so many, humbly accepting the gift of retirement can be surprisingly overwhelming.

It is the above mindset of turning guilt into gratitude that was my biggest takeaway in reading through the pages of Google entries on retirement guilt. Other frequently mentioned suggestions (all heavily paraphrased or ad-libbed below) include:

• Acknowledge your shoulds–check them against reality–then let them pass
• Know your fears and deal with them head-on (e.g. if money is a big fear zone, set and regularly review a realistic budget, track expenses and make adjustments where necessary)
• Take stock of what you can control and what you can’t
• Readjust your expectations
• Practice forgiveness (of yourself and others)
• Make amends (again with yourself and others)…and move on!

Got guilt? What are your strategies for letting go?

 

About Donna: Donna lived in Beijing, China for fourteen years. Leaving international life behind, she and her husband retired to Vancouver Island, Canada, in June 2015. To document this transition, Donna initiated ‘Retirement Reflections.’ Her favorite part of blogging is the interaction with others. You will enjoy visiting with her at www.retirementfreflections.com.

 

Thanks to Donna from Easin’ Along.

 

As we celebrate the Fourth of July, dissension, shouted without civility from all sides, blares at us constantly from cable television and social media. Despite the noise, America remains a country blessed beyond measure. Our nation of staggering beauty stands as a symbol of freedom for all the world to see, and people of every stripe have taken extraordinary measures to stand at our borders seeking entry to this great nation–seemingly unconcerned with all of the discord around us.

Helen and I sincerely hope that on the 242^nd birthday of America, the strident screeching will subside, even if for only a day. We would love to see all Americans pause and agree on at least one thing; that what we have was accomplished at great sacrifice—with deeds more than words–and is worth preserving.

For our part, Easin’ Along would like to dampen the noise briefly and send up a prayer asking that the most blessed nation on earth remain ever so. We do this by weaving some of our favorite travel pictures throughout one of the most popular patriotic songs ever written. So, please, let’s put down the remote, turn off the Twitter, and ignore in the inflamed rhetoric. With that accomplished, pause with us for about two minutes to reflect on the blessings we have and then let’s celebrate the birthday of our country in a very loud, very positive, and very unified, voice. That would be something to shout about!

The words below are a prelude to that prayer in song. The video follows. It is best when viewed in full screen. We would love your thoughts.

“While the storm clouds gather far across the sea
Let us swear allegiance to a land that’s free
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer. “

Happy birthday, America from Easin’ Along.

After finally agreeing that she could not put it off any longer, Helen (adorable wife) underwent surgery for replacement of her left knee in March of this year. Readers to Easin’ Along probably remember this post, it was one of the most popular articles since we began our website. It seems that retirees have a lot of interest in the subject of joint replacement.

Helen’s recovery from that procedure went amazingly well. After two days, she discarded her walker, and within two weeks, she was driving again. She credits a regimen of exercise she started before her surgery as well as adhering to the rehab program prescribed for her after the operation for much of her success.  I, on the other hand, give most of the credit to her attitude.  Helen never whines or complains (much), and most importantly, she was determined to get back to her busy, active life on two good knees.

Her original plan was to wait until late fall or beyond before having her right knee replaced, but after her success with the first operation, she conferred with her doctor about scheduling the second surgery. Although she was experiencing some soreness in her left knee, she had no problem putting all her weight on that leg. She got the green light to go ahead with the second operation three months after the first. She continued her exercise program, interrupted only by our camping trips.

“Why wait? Let’s get on with it!” Helen is one tough gal.

The day of her surgery arrived, and we were walking into the hospital at 6:30 am for a 9:00 am date with the doctor. Check-in went smoothly. Soon after donning a purple surgical gown, and a pair of purple socks, all we had to do was sit and wait.  Helen’s expression seemed to ask “Do I want to do this all over again,” but as it always happens, the smile soon came out, and she was ready. As the nurse came in to wheel her away, our wonderful associate pastor arrived to spend a few minutes with us and bless us with prayer. We were very grateful for the time she gave us.

Around 8:30 the television monitor in the waiting room let me know that the surgery had begun.  At 10:30 her doctor came in to inform me that all had gone very well and she would be in Room 702 in a couple of hours. I was very relieved.  A healthy Helen is an essential element in our family.

When the patient arrived in her room, I was sitting in the recliner reading a book. In spite of being a bit loopy from anesthesia and pain medications, she smiled broadly and exclaimed: “Got’er done.”! A new knee was in place and, according to her doctor, her former knee was one of the worst he had replaced in a long time.  It’s a wonder that she made it as long as she had on that thing.

Within an hour, a therapy nurse arrived, checked her bandages, and helped her to the bathroom. Next, she said it was time to walk.  Helen passed that test with flying colors and was on her feet for about five minutes before the pain medications kicked in, so she returned to the prone position. The rest of the day was uneventful, but she was able to get out of bed when necessary with no problem. I decided that there was no reason for me to spend the night and left for home assured that she was in good hands. My parting words to her were, “You’re doing great but, I’d rather be camping.” She gave me a thumbs up before closing her eyes.

The next morning I returned to find her sitting up, drinking coffee and texting her friends. On the way up to her room, I passed the hospital gift shop and spotted a blue baseball cap with the words Happy Camper on the front.  I decided that she had to have it even though Helen is not much of a hat person.  To my surprise, she donned it proudly and left it on for most of the morning.  I thought it fit her very well.

The remainder of the day was devoted to therapy sessions and consultations. At about 3:30 in the afternoon, she was deemed fit for discharge and did not need to hear those words more than once. “Let’s go home” she directed.

In the space of about 30 hours, and with a new knee, Helen returned home. She was extremely grateful for the skill of her doctor and the care given to her by the hospital staff. I do not doubt that the remaining days of care and treatment will be as successful as her first experience. I’m just as confident she would rather be camping and, will very soon be…Easin’ Along.